What's up

Well, last night, I went to a concert at my dad's church. Full Life Trio and Praise Band performed. They were fantastic! I loved the music and the testimonies! It was awesome! There was a fairly good turn out as well, even though it was quite cold... for most people. I did not wear even a jacket, as I wasn't cold. =D

I update this blog, more than any of my other ones... That should make people at FIRST feel a little better 'bout meh. Well, the book reviews are really what I updated with, so that's the reason there's more posts here! This is still way better than my ShoutLife. I've only posted about 6 times there... My xanga is where I post most of my feelings and what is happening in my life. Though, the last time I updated I *think* was in August-September.

I'm really sad today. I think most people quit crying as much, as time goes on. I tend to cry more as time goes on. I still haven't cried as much as most people would - in my opinion. I'm really confused about that. She was my VERY BEST friend. Why am I not in tears, all day everyday? Maybe I've been in denial this whole time, or just the fact that I haven't realized how long it may be that I won't see or hear her again. I don't want to wait. I want her NOW. I don't want her back. I can't. How awful would that be for me to selfishly wish she was back with me? No, I want to be with her. I want Jesus to come back. I don't want to stay here, but I have to, for as long as God wants me to. It just feels that no one would really notice me in my absence, except my dad and my other best friend. Yet, I know it's my fault. I don't talk to anyone. I don't get out. I don't send emails. I just don't. I need to step up my game as well. I just don't know how, let alone what to talk about. I still don't feel good enough, for anyone, especially God. Yet, I know I'll never be good enough. No one is good enough. I'm trying to believe that He really loves me. That I'm not worthless. His Son died for me. I just don't see my value. I'm trying to tell myself that I do have value. I pray that I will accept His love. I pray that I will see myself as He does. So, I wait. It will happen in His time. In HIS time...

My best friend's father isn't doing well. He hasn't been for some time. He is 85 and she is 52. He has cataracts, seizures (this has been recently), and he has to have dialysis. He's been going to dialysis for 2-3 years now, I believe. He just doesn't feel like fighting any longer. Her mother went home to Jesus three or four years ago. Grief is not easy, no matter how old you are. I wish these circumstances were different for her. I don't want her to have pain. I don't want this for her. Oh, how my heart aches for her. The only thing I can offer her, is my love and prayers, and by all means, she has them. Please, if you think about it, lift her, her father and her family in your prayers as well.


I will still praise You, my Lord and my God. I praise You for who You are. I praise You for Your Faithfulness. I praise You for Your unconditional, unending, unfailing love. I praise You, because You ARE WORTHY of my praise.