*sigh*

Maybe I'm manic depressive...

Today I feel extremely sad and alone. I'm no one's top priority anymore. Everyone has their own lives. It's not fair or reasonable of me to think they should or can say hi. They have their own joys and burdens to concern themselves with. I've been taking everyone for granted. I'm sorry. Hope is one thing, expecting something to happen is another. I'm just so lonely. My main love language is touch. I used to get hugged a lot everyday, now I go days without being touched. I like strong hugs and most people don't give them. I'm starting to feel more. I don't like it, but I need to. It just makes me feel more alone. It hurts so much and the pain is so deep. I just pray it doesn't break me.

Relay For Life

What an emotional, invigorating, powerful, liberating and life-changing event! How much more awesome can you get?! How riveting! I hope I can go to one this year. I don't know what I'd be doing for sure, but I really want to go. Next year, I hope to participate on a team walking around the track. I'm not sure how it's all going to go down or what it all entails, but I'm excited and more passionate about it than ever! I'll participate for as long as I am able. I can't even accurately describe how I feel about it and I haven't even been to one yet! I'm certain this is just something you have to experience to truly understand and I'm ready for it!

May God get the glory through it all.

Random Q

And the why's have it...

Why do you suppose that Televisions make a Clicking noise when they are turned on and off? Hmm, maybe to tell us they're on - or off? Maybe the television companies just want to annoy us? Maybe it's to help us not feel so lonely? =P Idk...

Hey, well now, if my answer didn't satisfy you (which I totally understand), check out:

Books
LR
Magma
Mae

Or even if it did - Check the others out!

Truly Alone

The silence is deafening. It makes me crazy. I. Can't. Handle. Being. Alone. The loneliness is getting to me. It wasn't supposed to be this way - not yet. Not for years to come. It hurts and makes me angry when I think about it. If she was allowed to stay everything would be different. I wouldn't feel so incomplete. And I wouldn't be alone.

RandOM QUEstioN!

This month's random question is: "If you could visit one event that takes place in history which one would you go to?"

Hmm, there's a lot of history to think through. My mind is really fuzzy, so I'm not thinking well at the moment. I'm sick and on medicine, plus my grief - depression related exhaustion doesn't help anything. Maybe going back to the starting of the Salvation Army would be cool. Or going back to the start of A.L. Hospice. Or the start of Bible quizzing. Or the start of TFC in town. Or the start of Dare2Share. I dunno. Probably the start of A.L. Hospice. Or something like that...

If you thought my answer was even the slightest bit interesting, check out any of these WAY MORE EXCITING blogs:

LR's Rock Spot
Books' Hidden Corner
Mae's Page
Magma's Lava Pad

Peace out ya'll.

Random Question!

I missed doing the question last month, due to moving and just other stuff going on, so I've decided to answer it now. Better late than never, eh?

What is your favourite type of vegetable, and what fruit would said vegetable marry if it could marry?

Hmm, my favorite type of veggie would just happen to be: Bob the tomato. Tomatoes are culinary vegetables, but botanical fruits. It's my story and I'm stickin' to it! He might marry Madame Blueberry. Well, it could happen. Anything is possible...

Eh, heh, well, I never said I was normal. =P

Tired

I feel so tired, like I could sleep for days, though I know my body wouldn't let me. I can't even sleep for 6 hours straight without waking up at least twice. I hope to be happy someday. I'm just not sure if it's possible at this point.

I feel too stupid to live. I'm a waste of a life. I feel that when I need people the most, no one's ever around. No fault of anyone's but my own. Life is too hard. At the moment, I feel that no one cares. I feel the least important of anyone. I remain here for the plain fact that God must want me here. I have a sliver of hope. There must be a reason. I don't understand life, nor do I want it, but I won't stop it. I also stay for my two closest friends. I would completely fall apart without them.

I feel alone.

Moving

I knew we were going to move out at the end of this month. At least I thought so... I just found out last Saturday that my dad wanted to move out of this house into the one he's buying this very weekend. I hadn't done any packing in my room, so all week I packed my stuff. I wanted to paint my new room, so my best friend picked me up and for two - three days this week we painted my room. Her daughters helped as well. Well, my room is painted, my stuff is packed and I'm leaving for Dare2Share today. I will be gone until tomorrow. Tomorrow night I will be sleeping in a new room in a new house. My cats won't even know what hit them! Sadly, my dog has to be put down because she was just too old. She was 16 years old in human years and for several months now, she had been sneezing blood. My dad didn't want blood in the new house, nor did he want her to suffer any longer. She was put down on Wednesday. I haven't had time to grieve. I probably won't until next week.

This week absolutely flew by. I think the next few days will as well.

I praise God for my best friend. She totally rocks! At the beginning of this week I was so stressed out, but by the middle of the week I really started to relax. She really helped me. I wouldn't have been able to get everything done without her. She helped keep me together. I am so honored that she would help me, even when she is so overwhelmingly busy herself. That's so cool. She's just plain awesome. And God is even better!

I see I'm just talking to the computer.

Not fun.

I lose. =(

Passion?

I don't have one. I wish my passion was Jesus. I'm trying, but I'm afraid He doesn't want me. I yearn for such a close relationship, but I'm afraid even He will reject me. I want to be free from this bondage! I don't want to be trapped anymore!

Purpose? I don't see this either. What am I here for? I want to rise up and be who God created me to be. If only I could be strong and courageous like Joshua and Caleb. God, please give me Your strength and courage. I need it.

Dreams... I don't have any dreams either. I don't know what I want to do with my life. Nothing satisfies me. Nothing sustains me. Nothing gives me a prolonged pleasure. God, may You take this emptiness and use it for Your glory and purpose. May Your dreams for my life, become mine.

I feel empty. God, fill me with You to overflowing. May my life reflect You. Please let me have the ultimate, most intimate relationship with You. I want You. I need You. I'm just afraid. I need courage. You created me. You ARE my father. You love me with an everlasting love. You sent Your Son to die for me. I AM worth it. God, please release me from satan's deception. May I be all You want me to be.

I'm ready. My life is not mine. I don't want it. I want You to have it. I just need to act.

And may You get the glory through it all.

Opposite Way

-Performed by Leeland (Leeland Mooring, Jack Mooring, Michael D. Smith, William Holtz)

Living in the same town
For all these years
Doing the same old things
Hanging with the same crowd
And it’s starting to get crippling
You’ve never felt in place
And you tell yourself it’s all okay
But something’s different today
You want to run the opposite way

And it seems like you’re locked in a cage
And you need to find a way of escape
When everyone is setting the pace
It’s okay to run the opposite way

The Father sent His Son down
The light of men
The cross He bore was crippling
Rejected in His own town
They couldn’t see the sun shining
He knelt in the garden and prayed
Father, let this cup pass from me
It’s not Your will for me to stay
Your will for me is the opposite way

And it seemed like He was locked in a cage
And He couldn’t find away of escape
But through the cross He conquered the grave
My Jesus ran the opposite way

Oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
Oh, He ran the opposite way
Yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave
So you could run the opposite way

AMEN!

Random question!

A few other bloggers and I are going to blog about random questions - randomly... It should be lots of fun. =D I like random questions, actually anything random is good! Well, now, here it is:

If you were stranded on a Desert Island and could only bring two items, which two would you bring?

Um, well, I guess I'd hope to have a knife and flint. I "hope" I could survive, but I doubt I would. =P Now, this is only if I happened to accidently land on a deserted island. If I knew I was going to a deserted island, well, hmm... I probably wouldn't go!

Well, there you have it.

To find out what a few others have said, check out:

BooksHiddenCorner
Magma's
LR's

So, what would you bring?

The usurper acts as president

"So this is how liberty dies ... with thunderous applause."

Our republic is dead. The land of the free, home of the brave will never be the same.

Barack Obama is not the president. He is a usurper. Before anyone starts saying I'm racist. This is not a race issue. I don't play the race card. I could care less what color of skin you have. Those who look at it as such are racist. Not me. To vote for a person because of the color of their skin is racist. To not vote for a person because of the color of their skin is racist. To not vote for a person because I don't agree with his beliefs, let alone the fact that he isn't even eligible to be the president, does not make me racist. It means I know what I believe and can't stand to support someone who doesn't feel the same about them.

Our "great nation" is no longer.

"Alpha and Omega" performed by the GVB

This is not my video. I just love it. It was uploaded on youtube by hoover4000. All credit must go to her. =)

Change

I took this from my comment on Wayne Thomas Batson's Blog. His blog

We were supposed to write about: 1. Something difficult from 2008 that you pray God would redeem.
2. A prediction--something you think will happen over the coming year.
3. A goal; something you'd like to achieve.

My comment:

I would like God to redeem me. I want Him to be Lord of my life. I'm tired of the reigns. I want to give Him my all and then for Him to become my all.

I can't predict anything. I can't even begin to imagine what this year will bring.

I don't like making goals, because I'm not very effective in keeping them. I guess my goal would be to be who God wants me to be and for Him to use me. I want to completely fall in love with Him and never turn back.

May God get the glory in all things.

I enjoy the Bible quiz meets each first Saturday of the month from October - March. The meets along with the Celebration Supper are the highlights of my month. =D We just had them and I'm ready for the next ones!

The league my quizzers attend are members of Bible Quiz Fellowship.

To learn more check out: www.biblequizfellowship.org

“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” - Psalm 119:11 (NIV)

Happy New Year?

I'm not really looking forward to this year. I'm really sad that a new year is here and My Heart is not. How am I supposed to live without her? And the fact that spring will be here waaaay before I'm ready is not something to look forward to in my book...

I fear this year will be worse than the last. I do not have high expectations. No need to set myself up for disappoints. And yet, I'm not even giving this year a chance. I realize this, but I'm afraid of what might be ahead.

I feel alone. Jesus, I need You. I want You.